Tough Conversation? Use H.E.A.T. to Cool It Down

By: Brian Ellis, Coach, Renogize Professional Coaching

How you choose to manage through a heated conversation can surprisingly cool things down.

I experienced a pivotal career moment a few years ago when I learned about the H.E.A.T. model (developed by John Hartley). After learning and practicing the H.E.A.T. model both in my personal and professional life, I was amazed at how this simple technique could turn confrontation toward resolution. I often recommend this model to clients I coach who discover they want to lead and manage through conflict in more effective ways.

Here's what H.E.A.T. stands for:  

H:  Hear them out. Listen to what they have to say. Don’t interrupt with pushback. Acknowledge you heard them and thank them for sharing. 

E:  Empathize. Express empathy toward how they feel.   

A:  Apologize. Don’t provide any excuses, reasons, or justifications. Just a simple, sincere apology.  

T:  Take action. Tell them what you will do to work toward a resolution.  

IMPORTANT:

After you’ve shared the action you will take, ask the person, “What else?” This helps uncover any other intricacies of the conflict to get all insights or go deeper into the heart of the conflict. Use the H.E.A.T. model in your response to their answer to, “What else?” Keep going with this approach until they have nothing else to share. 

Here’s an example conversation using H.E.A.T.: 

H:  I hear what you’re saying about how my team member treated you, and I appreciate you sharing this with me. 

E:  I sense your frustration, and I understand. 

A:  I’m really sorry about what happened. 

T:  I’m going to have a conversation with my team member and will follow-up with you on next steps. What else would you like to share with me? 

How can using the H.E.A.T. model help you work through confrontation and conflict?